My Future Husband

Hello All!!

So, most of you know that I’ve finally moved out on my own, and am now in an apartment with my best friend (but that’s a whole other post in itself!). While I was unpacking though, I found something that I’d totally forgotten I had made!

Shortly after Ethan and I broke up I decided to write a list of the things that I want in my future husband. They range from the totally vain (like good looks) to the totally non-negotiable (like having a strong relationship with Christ).  It was interesting to read this list over, especially since there is someone that I’m interested in right now. It was also entertaining to see some of the things I had written down (you could definitely tell I had just gotten out of a relationship!)

Anyways, I decided to share my list with you. I’m going to keep my list of the “vain” things that I want, because I feel like it’s a good thing to know what you’d like, whether God actually gives that to you or not! The key is to still be happy with whatever Christ blesses you with! I did revise a little bit of my Non-negotiable list though, since my relationship with Christ has changed so much since I originally wrote this.

Let’s start with my “Vain” list. I’m going to write in red what is on the list, and give you a little explanation as to why I wrote what I did, unless it’s pretty self-explanatory. So, without further ado, here is my Future Husband- List Of Vain:

1. Good Looking (Now, I know people say, “Attraction grows as you get to know a person”. Yes, it does! BUT, I know myself, and I know that if I’m not physically attracted to a person, I’m not going to be romantically interested. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s the way I am…)

2. Large Build (I know I’m not a huge girl, but I’m not a little one either… I like piggyback rides, and I like to be carried…. I don’t want to feel like I’m going to squish the poor guy I love if I jump on him!)

3. Cares about his appearance (I think that is pretty self explanatory…)

4. Great voice (I’m not really sure how to explain this one, lol but a good voice makes me melt…)

5. Smells good (Again, I melt if a guy smells good!)

6. Good kisser

7. Likes to dance (Because while I’m not very good at dancing, I love to do it!)

8. Love dogs (Because I hate cats and want a few dogs!)

9. Likes cooking (This was an ongoing joke all through high school. I have always said that my future husband had better like to cook, because I can’t! Unless he wants a lot of pasta… haha)

    

    10.  Likes indoor AND outdoor activities 

    11. Is a gentleman

    12.  Good with finances

    

    13.  Great sense of humor, loves to laugh

    14.  Not afraid to act like an idiot with me

   

    15.  Always up for new adventures

  

    16.  Will tell me I’m beautiful when I’m not trying to be (Come on, what girl doesn’t want that??)

  

    17. Will kill spiders for me! (Everyone who knows me, knows I HATE spiders!! I flip out…)

    18. Has interest in traveling

Okay! Now you know how terribly vain I am! But those things aren’t all that I want in a guy… Now here is my Future Husband-Non-negotiable List:

   1.     Strong relationship with Christ (It’s not enough to just “be a Christian”… I want to be able to see the fruits from your relationship with God! How is He working in your life??)

   

   2.     Involved in church (Don’t just show up on Sunday mornings… church’s always need help somewhere, so jump in and do something!)

   

   3.     Likes serving in ministries (Really just ties into number 2… Don’t do something with a heavy heart- do what you LIKE to do, and do it for the glory of God!)

   

   4.     Is a virgin (This one is a little hard for me to explain, but I’ve had a hard battle to keep my virginity… I feel very strongly that God will honor that fight by giving me a virgin husband)

   5.     Strong family connection

   6.     Loves being with family

   7.     Wants a family of his own (Tying 5-7 in this explanation. Family is really important to me… if it wasn’t for my family always being here for me and supporting me, I have no idea where I would be. I want family to be just as important to my husband as it is to me!)

   8.     Doesn’t let failed past relationships haunt him (It always sucks when a relationship doesn’t work, but it didn’t work for a reason: God said no! don’t let that affect you so much that when you find the person God is saying yes to, you can’t see what’s right in front of you! Also, I am not that girl who hurt you before…)

   9.     Doesn’t push physical boundaries (Remember that fight I talked about in number 4? Don’t make that fight even harder.)

   10. Will tell me if something is bothering him (Giving advice is one thing that I love to do, and happen to be pretty good at. LET ME HELP!)

   11. Likes to talk (I don’t care what we talk about, but talk! Tell me what’s going on in your day, tell me the stupid things your coworkers are doing, whatever! I love talking, so it’s torture for me to be around people who keep to themselves…)

   12. Likes to volunteer

   13. Will tell me if I’m wearing too much makeup

   14. Isn’t afraid to tell me to put on more clothes

   15. Is strong enough in himself and his relationship with Christ to be the spiritual leader in our home, like God calls every man to be.

   16. Will be able to push me and help me keep my relationship with Christ strong

   17. Doesn’t smoke

   18. Doesn’t party

   19. Doesn’t swear

Well, there you have it… I’m sure there are more things that can go on either list, but those will come to me in time. I would really encourage everyone to make his or her own Future Spouse list. It really helps to see what you’re willing to let slide (your vain list) and what is really important to you in a relationship. Then, when you find you’re interested in someone, you can use your list as a sort of checklist. Do they have any of the qualities on your non-negotiable list? It’s a lot harder to be like, “Oh, well they don’t really go to church very often, but that’s okay…” when you have it written down that he or she has to be in a strong relationship with Christ.

I would also encourage you to give a copy of your list to someone you trust that can help you see if the person you’re interested in really is a good person for you to date according to what you have written down as important or as things that you’d really like to have. It’s hard to see those parts of people that you DON’T want, when you are emotionally involved in the situation (such as having a crush). But someone that is on the outside of the situation has a much clearer picture of what is really there. 

And if you are currently in a relationship, or if you like someone, I would really encourage you to pray seriously about your list before you make it. You don’t want to find yourself making a list that obviously depicts the person you like! That would totally ruin the point of making the list in the first place!

Anyways, I hope you had fun reading today’s post, and I hope it gets you all thinking! If you have any questions about anything I said, please feel free to comment, or shoot me a text if you have my number!

I hope you all have an amazing and God-filled day!

The Story of My Life.

I grew up in a Christian home, so I’ve always known God. Because of this, I don’t really have a big testimony about walking in the darkness with a big “aha!” moment of realizing Christ and His love for me. But what has happened in the past two years, has made me realize what true faith is, and what it looks and feels like to sacrifice everything you once stood for and love. I’ve had to learn, sometimes the hard way, that God has the best plan for my life- not me. I’ve had to give things up that I loved with all my heart in order to keep with God’s will, and have been blessed richly by doing so. So with that, here is my story about a girl who had to lose everything she knew for a world full of uncertainty, but also full of Christ.

I am a person that loves to plan, to have everything organized and figured out before jumping into a situation. So it wasn’t a big surprise that I had my first year of college planned out by the start of my senior year of high school. Another thing that didn’t surprise anyone was that my best friend, Kenzie, was included in these plans. Kenzie and I were inseparable all through high school, so it was only natural that we would go to college together!

Halfway through the school year was when things started to change. The college we were planning on going to was giving me a lot of problems, and I decided that it really wasn’t a school that I wanted to go to; but I would still go for Kenzie. After all, we had all these plans, and I certainly didn’t want to be the one to ruin them…

Well, we made it to graduation, and Kenzie and I decided to live together that summer before we went to college. We almost made it through the summer before she told me she didn’t want to go to our school anymore. I was so relieved! But it was short lived; she then told me what school she did want to go to, and had already applied to. It was a school in a town that I never wanted to live in, and a school that I never wanted to attend! I was at a complete loss. I knew at that point, all our plans were over. We wouldn’t be living together, or experiencing anymore “firsts” with each other. I felt like half of who I was, was going to be ripped away from me.

That night I called my mom, who happened to be in Portland visiting my sister. I broke down crying as I explained what was going on. I had completely lost control of my life, and the plans I had for it. Now what was I supposed to do? It was too late to turn in applications to any other school. And sure, I didn’t like the plan I had before, but at least it was a PLAN, something that I could count on and rely on to work. In the midst of my crying, my sister asked me, “Emily, do you remember when you were a freshman, and I told you that you could live with me here in Portland, and go to school here? Well, that option is still open.” That comment really caught me off guard. By that point, she had married, had one child, and was pregnant with a second. How could there possibly be room for me in their lives? I told her I would think about it…

I got on the computer the next day and started researching schools in the Portland area that specialized in medical assisting, since that was what I wanted to do. As I was looking at the schools and filling out applications, all I could think was, “God, this situation is in your hands, just please don’t let me fall. You know what I need, so make it happen.” As it turned out, a school called me the same day I turned in the application! They scheduled an interview with me for that weekend, so I headed to Portland the next day! I was accepted, and they had me set to start school in two weeks! I was excited that I had a plan, but I was also terrified. I was going to be moving away from my little town- the only thing I knew. I was moving from a valley of 500 people, to a city of over 30,000 people. I had a plan, yes. But I certainly did not have control.

My first year of living in Portland was scary. I didn’t have a job for the first 3 months, so I was barely able to fill my car with gas to get to school. When I did get a job, it only lasted for the Christmas season, so I was out of work again right after Christmas, and for the next two months. But all these experiences were eye openers. God showed me every single day that He was still walking beside me, that I was not alone, and He would take care of me.

I finally started making some friends in the spring, and God had even blessed me with a Christian boyfriend, Ethan. We’d known each other in high school, but never had any particular interest in dating. He was the first Christian I ever dated, and he helped me through a lot of really difficult times, including the first ever fight I had with Kenzie, which ultimately led to the end of our friendship. I was completely heartbroken. I never thought a day would come when I wouldn’t call Kenzie my best friend, but God knew what He was doing when He cut those ties.

Ethan was also the first boyfriend I ever set real boundaries with. Both of us wanted to take our relationship seriously because neither one of us wanted to just “date”. We wanted to prepare ourselves for the possibility of marriage, and we didn’t want to mess things up by moving too fast. I quickly found myself falling in love with him. I knew that I wanted to marry him. We talked about it constantly; what we wanted our lives to look like, where we wanted to live, and how many kids to have. It was exciting. Ethan even gave me a promise ring to wear until he purposed. I again had a plan for my life. But, just like before, my plan wasn’t God’s plan…

It started a few months after we started really seriously talking about marriage. I would start to feel a little sick to my stomach whenever I thought about my life being spent with Ethan. I just shrugged it off at first, thinking it was nothing. But when it started to get worse, I began to pray about it. And the more I prayed, the more God made me aware that I would be making a huge mistake by marrying Ethan. For whatever reason, I could feel God pulling my heart further away from Ethan and I’s relationship. And I wasn’t the only one noticing… Ethan tried to talk to me about it, but since I didn’t even understand what was going on, how could I explain it to anyone else?

Finally, one weekend I felt like God was just pounding on my heart and thoughts “You end this relationship, and you end it now!” My parents were in town, and while I hadn’t told them what I’d been feeling the past weeks, both could tell something was wrong. I finally broke down crying to each of them. Dad took me for a long walk that night and just talked to me. He liked Ethan, but he wouldn’t be able to give him permission to marry me. He wasn’t stable enough in a job and he didn’t know what he wanted for himself. Without these things answered, he couldn’t possibly try and include me in his life as well. And I wasn’t ready for marriage either. There were things that I still needed to figure out: if I really wanted to go on mission trips, figure out what to do now that I was almost done with school, and really see where my relationship with God stood. And the biggest thing my dad pointed out: If God was telling me no, then I needed to listen. Yet again, I found myself heartbroken. I was in love with Ethan. I didn’t understand why God was telling me no; it wasn’t like Ethan was a terrible person. He wasn’t going to be abusive, he was a Christian, and I LOVED him. The decision to break up with Ethan was literally the hardest choice I have ever had to make. But from all my experiences with God, I knew that there had to be a reason for Him to be saying no, and I knew I would regret it if I ignored Him. So I listened. That night, I broke up with the man I wanted to marry. I couldn’t stop crying. I was a wreck for weeks. His family turned against me, refused to talk to me. Within two months, Ethan had a new girlfriend. That was a hard pill to swallow, but God’s made me a stronger person because of it. I now KNOW what I do and don’t want in a husband. I know who I am, and whatever else life throws at me, I know I have the strength to say no to the world and yes to Christ! I’m standing firm in my faith, and God keeps showing me daily that He won’t let me down, as long as I’m striving after Him.

He’s also made me understand that as much as I loved Ethan, we weren’t right for each other. Neither one of us were ready for that large of a commitment, nor could I  fully hand my self over to Ethan as his wife. I was still carrying baggage from past relationships, and so was he. You can’t fully love someone without being healed and whole, and the only way to be whole is to give God your life. All of it, not just the pieces you think you want to give Him. He needs ALL of you to make you new and whole and ready for His work.

Of course, there are still things I need to work on, but I’m a lot farther now than I ever was six months ago. And now, GOD is in control of my life, I’m just along for the ride, admiring His handy work as we pass by.