How come it is whenever I think I'm doing great, perfectly fine with my situation, it all goes down the drain again? If you've been following my blog, you know that I've been working on the romantic side of my life; working on being okay with the fact that I'm single with no boyfriend prospects. And I've been doing well with that... Until two nights ago.
The other night, I found out that my ex boyfriend from back home, whom I'd been in a very long relationship with, is now dating the girl that did not want us to get back together when we had a 3 month break, because she wanted to date him. She even successfully ruined my senior year homecoming, the one where I was nominated queen. Yup, the girl that I seriously despised is now the girlfriend of the guy I fell in love with two years ago, and then in turn had my heart ripped out and trampled on by. We didn't end on the best of terms. He became a totally different person than the guy I loved. Nonetheless, I can't help but feel hurt that he's with her now. The girl he never liked, but asked to a dance because he didn't want to go alone, is his new girlfriend.
More I think about this, the more I realize that all my ex boyfriends or 'flames' are moving on, and are quite happy in new relationships. It's so frustrating because being in a relationship is something I want so badly, but I know that is not God's plan for my life right now, and I don't want it for the right reasons. I miss being in a relationship because I miss having a guy to cuddle up with, go on drives with, to kiss, hold hands, hug, complain to. I miss the physical benefits of having a boyfriend. I've realized that I've never been in a relationship that honors God. I've never been with a guy who could build me up in God. Just the opposite, in fact.
I realize that I need to figure out who I am, what my purpose is, what it is that God wants me to do in my life, before I can start to share it with someone else. I also realize that I have to find a guy that is on the same level spiritually as me. He has to have God in his life first, and want a relationship second. As hard as this is for me, I know that staying out of a relationship is the best thing for me. It will make me cherish my next relationship so much more; and I know this, because with God's help, the next relationship I'm in, will be the one that lasts the rest of my life. I know that sounds intense, and it even kinda freaks me out, but I'm tired of pointless dating, being in meaningless relationships. I want my next one to be the real deal, and I know that if I rely on God, He will help me through the hard times, and He won't let me down. I'm waiting for my husband now. Wherever he is, I'm waiting.
Loving thoughts,
Girl With No Name
About Me
- girl_with_no_name
- I created this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on my life and how I've been doing since moving away from the only place I've ever known: a small, 530 population town, to a large city! There have been a lot of ups, and a lot of downs, but through it all I've been trusting Christ, and learning what true faith means and what it really looks like...
3 comments:
I have faith that God has your purpose for you set and ready to go. You're working your way through the maze and I think you can make it through the maze without any help from a boy just fine. As much as everyone would like to say that their husband or boyfriend is their world, the truth is that some things need to come before those boys, like you for example. Someday God will send a boy just perfect for you through your church's door and he'll respect you for you and not expect you to change for him. Keep loving like you can!
Relationships are amazing things that are supposed to happen, that is why we love them so much. One thing to do though is to see your own potential, then never settle for anyone less than you deserve. The girl I am with now decided that someone who encouraged her relationship with God would be one of her main conditions(learned from an unfortunate previous relationship). I did not date in high school, I was a weird boy who was always interested in something long term. The person I had in mind for that was always with someone else. Summer after graduation I found a true best friend again. I have always had friends, but I had not had a 'best' friend in forever. Then it grew to more then that, without loosing that friendship. And for some weird reason only she can fathom, She loves me! Anyway, sorry to bore you with my story, I am sure that if you keep this mind-frame, you will find that lucky guy.
And praying that GOD will prepare your heart and the heart of the godly man HE is working on for you! Your wisdom and humility as you draw closer to HIM will always serve you well!!
Post a Comment