It's not about the past, but what you make of the future....

In the months since moving away from home and starting college, I've been hit (more like slapped in the face, really) with many harsh realities. Some which all graduated seniors experience, some more individual to just me. But in any case, it's been quite a roller coaster ride.

When I moved, I was determined to change my life. In high school, all I cared about was sports, hanging out with my friends, and partying. I knew I wanted to live for so much more, but I lacked the motivation or really even the means to do so. My town was so small that there wasn't really a whole lot available to a teen that wanted to really try and live for God, much less have the acceptance from others to do so. So I never did. Instead, I lived for the moment. Sure I, for the most part, had good morals, and tried to keep people happy and not do anything to upset the natural balance our town had, and most every adult liked me, and would call me their daughter or family in one form or another. But I felt ashamed because I knew if they could just see who I was when they weren't around, they wouldn't be so excited to call me theirs....

But I knew when I moved in with my sister and brother-in-law, that I was finally going to become the person I'd been wanting to be. I've been making small steps toward that goal, and this has been one the most beautifully frustrating phases of my life. On one end, I'm FINALLY becoming the person everyone thinks I am. On the other hand, I'm having to learn some insanely hard lessons the hard way. Take for instance, romantic relationships. In high school, from the time I started dating my sophomore year, I don't think I was single for more than a total of 4 months. True, one of my relationships lasted a total of a year and a half, but it never took me more than 3 weeks to find another boyfriend. I've learned that I was too scared to be alone. And if I'm being honest, I still am. But not having a boyfriend for the last 7 months, has given me time for so many other things; like concentrating on school (for the first time ever I'm a straight A student), becoming a part in my new church (which is totally amazing), and attempting to meet new friends and truly making this new place my home (another quite difficult lesson that I'm making slow progress on...)

Anyway, one harsh reality that hit me today is this: What exactly did my life back home mean? What was the point? After looking at the person I was, the memories I have, and reading in my bible a bit, I found my answer. And I didn't like it. At all. My life during high school, meant absolutely nothing. I didn't have a purpose, a reason, behind me. I wasn't a good friend, I wasn't a very nice or thankful or thoughtful daughter, I took my family for granted, and I was a flake on most things I started. I wasn't living up to my full potential. I wasn't even capable of living up to my full potential for that matter. There is one major, key, difference between the me in high school, and the person I am now. And that difference is God. I now have a purpose behind my life. My purpose is to serve God, and show His light to others. My purpose is to be the opposite of the person I was in high school. My purpose is to be a better friend, to be a nice, thankful, thoughtful daughter to my parents, realize how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, loving family. My purpose is to be strong and passionate about the things I start, because they are important; otherwise I wouldn't have started them in the first place.

I can fret about my past until I turn blue, but that doesn't change what's already happened. In the time I take to look back on my mistakes, LIFE is happening. The thing that I do have control over: my present. My right now. I have to move forward, with God as my map, and live up to my full potential, with Him by my side.

Are you living up to your full potential? I advise not exploring that question unless your ready for the answer, and ready to do something about it. Good luck.

Loving Thoughts,
Girl With No Name