The past few weeks have been an extreme emotional roller coaster for me. Between being broke with no job (and no job in the foreseeable future), bad news coming from back home, stresses from starting a new section at school, Valentines Day (no explanation needed), and my mouth KILLING me; things are starting to let up- a little.
The good news: I'm the newest sales associate at Something Silver! Some progress has been made in terms of the bad news from home, Valentines Day is a distant memory, and I had a root canal on a very infected tooth (that had grown an abscess, joy of all joys) and it's feeling MUCH better! Also, that section in class is now over, starting Urinary on Monday! (Sounds about as exciting as it really is....)
But there's one thing that's still bothering me. I keep having this itching feeling that I've just spent over $13,000 on schooling that I'm terrified to finish. Don't get me wrong; I love learning about all of this! I like understanding what my doctor is talking about, without him having to explain in layman's terms. I like knowing what all the people in my favorite medical shows are talking about. I like practicing everything in school! But I'm terrified of applying it in real life. In school, it's all a stimulation. The variables are controlled. The patients aren't real. The conditions aren't real. Therefore, the stakes aren't high. But on externship, or when I actually START my career, it's all very real. Someone is putting their trust in me to figure out what's wrong with them. To treat them. That scares the crap out of me. I love the medical field. But I'm slowly starting to realize that I may not be cut out for this.....
And the more I realize this, the more criminal justice speaks out to me. I've always been obsessed with puzzles, and crime. Ask any one of my friends from high school. Back then, whenever we had to do a presentation, ALL of mine were on crime. It's one thing that drove an ex-boyfriend crazy. He said I was way into depressing subjects. But I can't help it, it simply fascinates me! As weird as that sounds.... My heart is starting to move less from medical assisting, and more into crime scene investigation. Working in a lab. Figuring out the puzzle. Catching the bad guys.
But as I said earlier, there's been a lot of money put into the program I'm doing right now. I'll finish it. Stick it out through the externship. Suck it up and hope I don't mess up someone's life in the process.... But that doesn't mean I can't look into schools for criminal justice in the mean time......
Loving thoughts,
Girl With No Name
About Me
- girl_with_no_name
- I created this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on my life and how I've been doing since moving away from the only place I've ever known: a small, 530 population town, to a large city! There have been a lot of ups, and a lot of downs, but through it all I've been trusting Christ, and learning what true faith means and what it really looks like...
1 comment:
Both fields could have harsh times in reality, but most aren't suited for the medical. Both are interesting subjects and though they can be depressing, I do not find them so. It sounds like things are turning up in your life. Through your education it looks like you are doing everything I myself am interested in. The criminal justice, medical, next you might try creative writing. Keep it up girl_with_no_name.
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