Okay, so on occasion, I have times where I really need to vent. And this, is one of those times. Unfortunately, I also really need to sleep, so I'll try to make this fast.
First off, I really need someone to take a look at my forehead. Because I have a feeling that since I vowed I wasn't going to date anymore, it's been stamped on my head "I'm not going to date anyone, so NOW is the time to start talking to me again, and act like you HAVEN'T been ignoring me the past few (insert: weeks/months)!" in huge red block letters that only my ex boyfriends can see. GREAT! This has been fantastic (sarcasm). Suddenly a number of the guys from my past are deciding to talk to me again. Stirring up lots of lovely memories that I'd rather leave buried. Thanks for that.
Secondly: Don't get me wrong, I love the new people I'm meeting, and my church, and everything that goes with it. I love living with my sister and her family. I hate being in Portland. I do not adjust well to change. I have a very hard time trying to get to know new people, because that's something I've never had to do. I grew up with all my friends! We knew each other's history. All we had to worry about was the future! I miss my friends. But at the same time, I'm wondering how good of friends I really even was with anyone back home. Since moving away, I barely talk to anyone. I get to look at all the pictures on Facebook of all the friends I left behind having a great time, while I'm here; attempting to make something of myself, and scared that I'm failing horribly. Until just the other day, I barely even had contact with my best friend. I feel as though my whole life, where I grew up, was just temporary. That I was forgotten the moment I moved away and wasn't seen around the halls of the high school anymore. Just gone. Even though right now I'm in a better standing with God, I wish I could have my old life back; just with the knowledge I have now. Although I probably shouldn't admit this, I literally prayed last night that God would turn back the clock, give me one more chance. I don't like feeling like I was something temporary in someone's life. I don't like feeling as though I've been forgotten by the people I just spent the last 11 years of my life with. If I am forgotten by these people, what was the point of even being there in the first place?
I have so much more on my mind, but it's really quite difficult to type actual words when your looking at your screen through tears, and like I said at the beginning of tonight's entry, I really need to get some sleep.... Farewell all.
Girl With No Name
About Me
- girl_with_no_name
- I created this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on my life and how I've been doing since moving away from the only place I've ever known: a small, 530 population town, to a large city! There have been a lot of ups, and a lot of downs, but through it all I've been trusting Christ, and learning what true faith means and what it really looks like...
4 comments:
Hug! :)
Please know that GOD may just use/have you in someone's life...for 10 minutes or HE may choose 10 years!! The key is to be a blessing to them no matter how long HE weaves people in & out of our lives!! ;o) I know there is sadness when the people you know are the only people you have known for years! I find what helps is to pray for them as often as you can!!
Spending time with people changes you so it is not like it did not take effect. Personally I try to simply learn from my many mistakes adn accept that they have passed, but when I could have helped another from suffering I have prayed for that same thing. I am glad I am not the only one who has done that. Sorry that things have been a little rough.
Best wishes.
You'll never regret not talking to those flaky guys, not kissing them, not thinking about them and not giving them the time of day. God has an awesome fellow for you, and in the meantime offers Himself for you to fall deeply in love with. This is a time of change and transformation in your life, and in such times sometimes things get left behind, and that is ok.
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